Will I fit in?

Today was my first day as a volunteer at the HIGH (Helping Individuals Go Higher) program at Wayne State University. The program was founded when the president’s wife heard about a student who had paid her tuition and bought her books and was living in her car. The goal of the program is to help indigent students with essentials such as housing, transportation and child care so they can make it through college.

I volunteered to be a writer for the program. After reading the student volunteers’ work, I can see that I am badly needed. But I disappointed them by announcing that I would not be available every day. Their post at VolunteerMatch.org said they wanted someone to work 4-6 hours. Apparently, they were hoping for somebody 4-6 hours A DAY.  Sorry, wrong girl. I hope they want me, anyway.

Will the kids like me? I need companionship.

Last night I wrote four pages of “Tin Soldiers.” That makes nine pages this week, but I’m not confident of them. I might have to rewrite my second draft as I go. I started to waver last night, thinking this is too much of a goal and I’ll never make it. I did some research and realized my understanding of the war on the home front is pretty shallow. I can buy some resources that include newspaper articles of the time for each city in a Great War project in Britain, but do I want to spend the money? And which cities do I want the details of? And should I get the Kindle versions, just so I don’t have more books lying around? The war shelves are overflowing as it is. I have too many books about the American Army that I don’t even want.

www.amazon.com/wishlist/war

I gave in and purchased a $150 book about VADs. Can’t send it back. I felt a little sick, like I was jumping into a river, just like Emmy, only I was trying to rescue myself.

“Believe in your work.” That’s what I tell other writers. Never stop trying to make it better, and never stop. You’re not a loser if you decide to set one project aside and go on with another. Just go on.

This is the only project I want to go on with. “Egypt” is what it is. I’m showing “Wendy” to my other group. And I’m showing my memoir to no one, not right now.

I have to set my heart on “Tin Soldiers.”

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